Tag Archive for ‘self esteem’ at themojocoach.com

Tag Archive for 'self esteem'

We Are What We…

Published on March 19, 2010 in General. 2 Comments

Many of us have heard the saying “we are what we eat”. Basically this means that if our diets are made up of fast food, takeout, foods high in sugar, high in fat, if we drink too much or if we consider our children’s leftovers a decent meal, we can’t really be surprised if our body doesn’t look or feel it’s best. To sum it up; eat bad, look and feel bad. Well, not only are we what we eat, but we’re also what we feel, think, hear, see, do and believe. Here’s how.

Let’s start with what you think. If you think you’re unlovable, unworthy or incapable, and these are the thoughts that play continuously in your mind, can you really be surprised if these thoughts encourage you act or carry yourself a certain way? Maybe they’ll prevent you from feeling deserving of a loving relationship, cause you to feel unworthy of something fabulous or incapable of achieving a goal or dream. If these or similar thoughts are playing in a negative tape loop you’ve created, take a look at how they’re showing themselves within your life.

Moving on to “we are what we feel.” If you feel overweight, unattractive or ill-equipped in some way, take a look at the way you dress, the way you carry yourself, what you do (or don’t do) and the relationships you have. Notice how these feelings show themselves in the clothes you choose, the opportunities you may be avoiding and what you’re willing to tolerate in a coworker, friend or partner. Now identify how different things would be if you didn’t feel this way about yourself.

“We are what we hear.” Think about it, if you’re listening to people who are negative, critical, pessimistic and judgmental, can you be surprised when you feel deflated, depleted and uninspired? Of course you’re trying to be a good listener, you may even be the “go to person” when someone wants to gossip, needs to vent or complain. Notice however, how you feel once this negativity is dumped on you.

Let’s take a look at “we are what we see.” If you’re watching programs filled with misery, pain, violence or vulgarity, are you surprised if that has an affect on you? Take TV news for example. Sure you may be up to date on the latest tragedies in the areas of crime, the recession, drugs or disease but how do these visuals resonate with you? After seeing them do you feel calm, serene and comfortable or nervous, vulnerable and afraid?

Next, let’s look at “we are what we do.” If you’re doing little more than chores or tasks when you’re home, errands and an unfulfilling job when you’re out, can you be surprised if you’re not excited about your life? Think about it. Take a look at your typical day and see what it’s made of. If it’s crammed with tasks leaving no room for self care, healthy eating, exercise, down time and fun, can you see how this may be showing itself in how you look, feel and live?

Lastly, let’s look at “we are what we believe.” Our belief system is created by the repetition of an idea from someone we trust. For example, let’s say you were constantly told “you can be, do or have anything.” This was said to you enough times and it became your belief system as well. But, let’s say you were on the receiving end of someone with limited beliefs themselves. They may have told you that you were not meant to be wealthy, happy, thin, carefree, etc. They may have believed that “life is a struggle, everyone in our family has a fiery temper, is prone to heart disease, has these thighs,” etc. When this was said to you enough times, it became your belief system as well. Are you surprised then when you go into your adult life, carrying this belief system and living within these limits?

Not only are we what we eat, but we’re also what we think, feel, hear, see, do and believe. It’s all of these factors that contribute to who we are and how we live our lives as a result. The best part about it is that with awareness and a desire to change, whatever area doesn’t work well for you anymore can slowly and steadily be changed so that it does. The choice is ours.

I’d love to hear your comments. Comment and share!

What does it take for your garden to grow?

Published on July 14, 2009 in General. 0 Comments

This weekend I drove by a nursery and noticed many people excited to get everything they need to grow a perfect garden. While some held plants, some held flowers, some held seeds and others held gardening tools, these people all shared the same intention, to plant and grow a beautiful garden.

Well, that got me thinking…

What does it take for a garden to flourish and thrive? Seems to me that much of what is needed to grow a healthy garden is also what is needed to build a healthy life.

Think about it. When planting flowers, we want to plant them on moist, nutrient rich soil, water them frequently, and make sure they have adequate space and are able to receive the sunlight that encourages their growth.

Now take a look at us. What conditions do we need to grow, thrive and be our best?

The moist, nutrient rich soil can be compared to eating healthy food. Are you eating a colorful, nutrient rich, healthy diet filled with fresh fruits, vegetables, lean protein, healthy fats and plenty of water? Just as the garden grows best when it has quality nutrients it can absorb, our bodies perform better when we eat quality foods packed with healthy ingredients while hydrating ourselves with enough water.

Next, a garden thrives when given enough sunlight. Don’t you feel better when you’re enjoying the sun too? Take advantage of the summer weather to get outside and enjoy the sun (with protection, of course!)

Now, think about why we need to give a garden adequate space in an area that encourages its growth. When flowers or plants are planted too closely together they don’t have room to grow. Just as a garden can suffer when it is crammed with too much “stuff” in too little space, our lives can be crammed with so many tasks, responsibilities, chores, errands, commitments and obligations that we don’t have room to breathe.

With so much going on, it’s unlikely we have the mental space we need to consider (let alone do anything about) what we need to feel fulfilled, enriched, happy and healthy.

Even if there is enough space, it is important to consider the environment where the garden being planted. For plants to thrive, the soil needs to be dense, free and clear of any rocks or debris. In this clutter free environment, it’s easy to see your garden grow. If you planted your garden on dry, hard clay or in a cluttered area filled with extra “stuff,” would you expect the same results?

Take a look at your surroundings. Is there adequate room and is it calm, serene and comfortable? Or, is it cluttered, disorganized, messy and chaotic? Just like the garden, our surroundings are either supportive or destructive to our well being. They can either enhance and soothe or unnerve and distress us.

Just as the garden is more likely to grow or perform better in the right environment, so are we.

Finally, consider the daily care of the garden. A beautiful garden receives support in the form of a loving caretaker. Since the garden can’t take care of itself, one of the roles of the garden’s caretaker is to remove the harmful weeds that would prevent it from thriving. Basically, the caretaker ensures that nothing sabotages the garden’s health, growth and well-being.

Consider your own daily care in the form of exercise, emotions and your relationships. Exercise, positive emotions and healthy relationships encourage healing, growth, health and happiness. But a lack of exercise, negative emotions and toxic relationships act just like those weeds, suffocating wellness and preventing us from flourishing.

Is a lack of exercise, negative thoughts or toxic relationships preventing healthy, positive results in your life? Is it time to do something about those “weeds?” Are they preventing you, just like that garden from becoming its best?

In the right environment, any garden can grow, thrive and be beautiful. Just as you give the garden what it needs to grow, it’s time to be a loving caretaker to yourself and make sure you have the same love, care and attention so you can bloom!

Accept it, Change it, Forget it

Published on May 27, 2009 in General. 0 Comments

If your best friend was criticizing herself and putting herself down, what would you do? Would you join in and tell her she is not good enough, worthy, or lovable enough? Or would you stop her immediately and tell her how beautiful and lovable she is?

If your child suffered from low self-esteem or poor self-image, you’d spend every free second reassuring him and trying to build him up.

Why are we so good to others yet so unforgiving with ourselves?

We all have quirks, faults, idiosyncracies and limitations. No one is great at everything and that’s okay. But when we focus on our faults, they overshadow our strengths and sabotage our self-esteem. This negative focus also prevents us from discovering hidden talents, untapped skills and higher aspirations because we’ve chosen to spend our energy in a negative, stagnant place.

If we have certain limitations, and we really have no interest or desire in improving them, why not take the pressure and focus off, then make the decision to accept that limitation lovingly, and let it go?

Think of how many times you have felt upset about things that you may have been able to control, but didn’t put forth your best effort, yet were unhappy with the results you received. For example, I had a client who constantly focused on her overweight body. She put herself down, complained about how much she disliked the way she looked, and felt constantly miserable with herself. To make herself feel better, she overate and over-spent. The first step was our weekly appointment, but, while she was great when we were together, her daily binges prevented weight loss and her poor self-image prevented the search to find another alternative.

She was so discouraged with herself that she refused to acknowledge any strength and any other aspect of her personality. All she saw was weakness and failure when she looked in the mirror. But she was one of the most creative people I’d ever known, with enormous creative and artistic talent. If she’d been able to focus on her strengths, she would have been in a better position to start feeling better about her accomplishments, as opposed to feeling frustrated by her faults. Maybe she could have taken some courses to find out what aspect of art proved the most interesting. She could have become a decorator or an artist. Maybe she would have become excited about a new hobby, interest, or possible career choice that would have led to feeling more satisfied as she enjoyed her newly found skill. However, she chose to remain committed to complaining about her body and herself. This is how we limit ourselves.

I’m not a gourmet cook. While I make some great meals and desserts, devoting more time to learn how to prepare elegant, gourmet meals is just not on my list of priorities right now. So now imagine me upset, frustrated and even angry with the fact that I wasn’t a gourmet chef. Wouldn’t it sound silly? At this point being frustrated or upset about my limitation would be unfair because I haven’t done much work toward that goal. Instead of struggling with the idea that I’m not a world famous chef, putting excess pressure and doubt on myself, I accept the limitation and let it go.

If you find you’re complaining about something, it’s because you think there can be a better way. That means if you’re complaining about the size of your thighs, the messiness in your home, or your lack of effective coping skills, it’s because you feel things can be another way, and with effort, can be changed to a way that better suits you. When you complain about something, see it as an important message that deep down you know it can be changed. If you choose not to change it, make the decision to end the complaints, accept things and let it go.

If you want something enough, you find a way to pursue your goal until it is achieved. At one point, you didn’t possess the skills you have now. If you deemed it important enough, you put forth the effort required to gain the skills to overcome limitations of the past. If it wasn’t important to you, it may have been easy to accept the limitation and let it go. It boils down to figuring out what you want and finding a way to make it happen. Everything is possible, but you must change your mindset first. Most often, your negative thoughts are your greatest obstacle to overcome.

Micromanaging

Published on April 9, 2009 in General. 0 Comments

Feeling a sense of control is important to your health, self esteem and well being. It helps us feel strong, empowered and in charge of our lives and the way it’s unfolding. While a sense of control is beneficial, too much control often leaves us micromanaging everything and everyone in our path. Are you micromanaging? Do you need to oversee everything and make sure it’s all done your way? Is it unsettling for you when things aren’t done to your exact specifications? Besides taking on an enormous amount of extra stress, you’re probably making things more difficult for everyone in your path. If this sounds like you, it’s time to stop micromanaging, learn to delegate and let it go. First of all, consider it from your children’s perspective.

Let’s say you ask them to make their bed. The cover may be pulled up but it’s not tucked in with military precision by any means. You’ve asked them to handle the bed making task, it doesn’t meet your approval so you decide to remake their bed. What message are your children receiving while you’re satisfying your need for a perfect house? They’re probably feeling like their efforts aren’t good enough which discourages them from trying harder while diminishing their self esteem. Here’s another example.

You’ve asked your husband or partner to go food shopping in an effort to share the workload. So far, this is a great plan. He comes home with every concoction of sugary, fatty junk food that can be found on the supermarket shelves. What do you do? Maybe you decide that he simply can’t get it right so it’s yet another job you’ll have to do. Who are you punishing here? Yes you’ll bring home some healthier options, but how about providing him with a specific list and hoping for the best? Your first option only leaves you with more work, frustration and unhappiness while he’s off the hook and wishing you could simply ask for what you want.

This next example is something way too many moms can relate to. What happens when your child comes home with a complicated project that’s due in a few days? Is it really their project, or has it become yours? Of course you want your child’s project to be completed, nicely done and timely but many moms feel that if their child’s work will be seen in or outside the classroom, it needs their decorating touch. There are a few things going on here.

The first thing worth mentioning is how does your “involvement” affect your child? Sure the project may look award winning by the time you’re through but consider the long term consequences. Your child will be doing hundreds of projects during their school career. As they grow, the time involved, difficulty and requirements will only increase. If they’ve never had an opportunity to take full responsibility for their work, their effort and their time, how will it affect them later on? Picture your child in college. If he or she never had to take responsibility for their own assignments during school because you were always on hand to help, think about how this abrupt change of events will affect him or her now. Chances are, it will be a rude and uncomfortable awakening, leaving your child frustrated, overwhelmed and anxious.

Next, take a look at how it affects you. First of all, if you have more than one child, multiply the extra project time by how many children you have. If you have a few children, you’ve just given yourself a part time job!

The trick with ending micromanaging is to delegate the task and then let it go! Sure it may not be perfect or exactly the way you want it. But try to ask yourself this very deep, spiritual and philosophical question which can only be answered after careful though and consideration. Ready, the question is…..who cares? Chances are, no one cares but you. So for your health, well being and sanity, stop micromanaging; learn to delegate then let it go. Not only will you be happier, but so will everyone else.