Archive for May, 2009

Accept it, Change it, Forget it

Published on May 27, 2009 in General. 0 Comments

If your best friend was criticizing herself and putting herself down, what would you do?  Would you join in and tell her she is not good enough, worthy, or lovable enough? Or would you stop her immediately and tell her how beautiful and lovable she is?

If your child suffered from low self-esteem or poor self-image, you’d spend every free second reassuring him and trying to build him up.

Why are we so good to others yet so unforgiving with ourselves?

We all have quirks, faults, idiosyncracies and limitations.  No one is great at everything and that’s okay.  But when we focus on our faults, they overshadow our strengths and sabotage our self-esteem.  This negative focus also prevents us from discovering hidden talents, untapped skills and higher aspirations because we’ve chosen to spend our energy in a negative, stagnant place.

If we have certain limitations, and we really have no interest or desire in improving them, why not take the pressure and focus off, then make the decision to accept that limitation lovingly, and let it go?

Think of how many times you have felt upset about things that you may have been able to control, but didn’t put forth your best effort, yet were unhappy with the results you received.  For example, I had a client who constantly focused on her overweight body.  She put herself down, complained about how much she disliked the way she looked, and felt constantly miserable with herself.  To make herself feel better, she overate and over-spent. The first step was our weekly appointment, but, while she was great when we were together, her daily binges prevented weight loss and her poor self-image prevented the search to find another alternative.

She was so discouraged with herself that she refused to acknowledge any strength and any other aspect of her personality.  All she saw was weakness and failure when she looked in the mirror.  But she was one of the most creative people I’d ever known, with enormous creative and artistic talent.  If she’d been able to focus on her strengths, she would have been in a better position to start feeling better about her accomplishments, as opposed to feeling frustrated by her faults.  Maybe she could have taken some courses to find out what aspect of art proved the most interesting.  She could have become a decorator or an artist.  Maybe she would have become excited about a new hobby, interest, or possible career choice that would have led to feeling more satisfied as she enjoyed her newly found skill.  However, she chose to remain committed to complaining about her body and herself.  This is how we limit ourselves.

I’m not a gourmet cook.  While I make some great meals and desserts, devoting more time to learn how to prepare elegant, gourmet meals is just not on my list of priorities right now.   So now imagine me upset, frustrated and even angry with the fact that I wasn’t a gourmet chef.  Wouldn’t it sound silly? At this point being frustrated or upset about my limitation would be unfair because I haven’t done much work toward that goal.  Instead of struggling with the idea that I’m not a world famous chef, putting excess pressure and doubt on myself, I accept the limitation and let it go.

If you find you’re complaining about something, it’s because you think there can be a better way.  That means if you’re complaining about the size of your thighs, the messiness in your home, or your lack of effective coping skills, it’s because you feel things can be another way, and with effort, can be changed to a way that better suits you. When you complain about something, see it as an important message that deep down you know it can be changed.  If you choose not to change it, make the decision to end the complaints, accept things and let it go.

If you want something enough, you find a way to pursue your goal until it is achieved.  At one point, you didn’t possess the skills you have now.  If you deemed it important enough, you put forth the effort required to gain the skills to overcome limitations of the past.  If it wasn’t important to you, it may have been easy to accept the limitation and let it go.  It boils down to figuring out what you want and finding a way to make it happen.  Everything is possible, but you must change your mindset first.  Most often, your negative thoughts are your greatest obstacle to overcome.

Stress and Sleep

Published on May 19, 2009 in General. 0 Comments

Are you getting enough sleep?  According to the latest survey from the Better Sleep Council , 68% of American women admit to getting less than 8 hours of sleep per night.  You can bet that percentage is higher among moms!

Sleep eludes some of us because stresses in our lives make it difficult to quiet down and relax when it is time to go to bed.  For others, nighttime interruptions keep us from getting the sleep we need.

The truth is, in order to function adequately your body requires seven to eight hours of sleep per night.  Without adequate sleep, we’re left feeling irritable, cranky, short-fused, emotionally unstable, mentally cloudy, groggy, fatigued – and overweight.

And the stress and sleep cycle continues. Once you’re sleep deprived, cortisol and other stress hormones are released, which disrupt the normal rhythm of your sleep cycle.  Instead of waking and feeling refreshed, high cortisol levels leave you feeling groggy and fatigued.  If that weren’t bad enough, this high cortisol level that’s released during times of little sleep also increases your appetite for high fat, high sugar foods.   And when we are tired, two of the ways we attempt to increase our energy are by taking in simple carbohydrates and caffeine.

Taking in simple carbohydrates (sugar) can give you a quick energy boost, but it’s also one of the easiest ways to gain weight.  The calories add up quickly, you’re never full or satisfied, and the resulting sugar crash can leave you looking for another boost almost immediately.

Seeking energy through caffeine is also a recipe for trouble.  You may feel nervous, anxious and shaky.  While you may have an additional energy boost from the caffeine, your body still needs rest.  This can result in that feeling of being “tired and wired”.  You may be able to get through your day, but the artificial energy takes you further away from a healthy, balanced sleep cycle.  Without healthy sleep, the stress hormones have no opportunity to rebalance, the immune system is unable to repair itself and we experience physical, mental and emotional wear and tear.

Sleep, stress, and sugar turn into a vicious cycle.

I could tell you to make sure you get those hours in and settle for nothing less.  And if you could make it happen, you would see the health benefits that come from adequate, quality sleep.  But for many of us, our level of sleep is not a matter of choice.

If you have young children, it may not be realistic to get those seven or eight hours of sleep, no matter what. If you are doing late night feedings, your child is having nightmares, or having trouble staying asleep, the idea of a full night’s sleep may seem priceless, but not possible.  In this case, the best option may be to nap if and when you can.  Even an extra fifteen or twenty minutes somewhere in your day can do wonders to refuel and recharge your body and mind.

If getting more sleep seems impossible, there are strategies you can use to make the sleep you do get more effective.

1.) Limit your caffeine and try to avoid caffeine in the afternoon and evening.  The caffeine that may help you get through your afternoon will interfere with restful sleep later.  Coffee, tea, soda and chocolate all contain caffeine, so use them all with discretion.

2.) Put yourself in the best mental state for sleep. Putting your thoughts, ideas, and concerns in writing and then setting them aside may help you feel better able to relax.  Keeping paper and a pencil by the bed to write down any thoughts or “to dos” for the next day can help you get back to sleep quickly instead of worrying and getting up to do “one last thing”.

3.) Develop a sleep routine.  Try to go to sleep at the same time, make the room dark and cool, play soft music or “white noise”.  Taking a warm bath, meditating, or reading something light could all be part of your routine to prepare for sleep.

4.) Make sure your room is clean, serene and comfortable.  A messy room with paperwork sitting around may remind you of all you need to do and increase your stress.

Try some of these strategies to improve the quality of your sleep.  Once you’re well rested and your stress hormones are under control, you’ll be less dependent on sugar and caffeine to get through your day.  Getting your sleep back on track can be a major building block for getting your mojo back!




View Debi Silber, MS, RD, WHC





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