2009 April Archive at themojocoach.com

Archive for April, 2009

Your Diet Legacy and Your Daughter

Published on April 23, 2009 in General. 0 Comments

As moms, we often try to instill our beliefs, values, ethics, morals and standards of behavior onto our children. Often, our goal is to ensure that our children learn from the benefit of our knowledge and experience so that they can create enriching, rewarding lives for themselves. So why is it then that one of the most significant messages moms often pass on to their daughters is the legacy of dieting?

Every mom wants the best for her children; there is no question about that. But unfortunately, when a mom lives through the emotional and physical pain that her overweight body may cause, she unknowingly passes the “right to diet” on as though it were a “right of passage” into womanhood. Maybe the mom wants to prevent her daughter from suffering from a low self esteem. Maybe the mom wants to ensure that her daughter is spared the harsh judgment from others as a result of excess weight. Finally, maybe the mom regrets not having the confidence to pursue a goal or dream and wants to make sure her daughter doesn’t pass up similar opportunities.

While these goals are driven by the desire to protect and fueled with the power of love, often the greatest message that comes across is that when the daughter is ready, she’ll learn to diet just like her mom. Of course it’s not intentional but this is the “diet legacy” a mom will often pass on to her daughter. So, if this isn’t our intention, how can we teach our daughters the benefits of health and wellness without teaching them how to “diet?”

The first thing we need to do is stop dieting ourselves. We need to recognize the example we’re setting and understand that if it’s not one that benefits our daughters or ourselves, it’s worth changing. By getting rid of our own “diet mentality” we’re taking the first step to setting a better example for our children.

We also need to understand that we are our children’s greatest role models. They watch, learn and emulate our behaviors and actions. If we’re berating ourselves for the way we look, we can only expect that our daughters will learn to do the same. If we fear certain foods because of the feeling of powerlessness we feel when we eat them, we’re teaching our daughters to feel that fear as well. Finally, if we’ve spent decades battling an unhealthy relationship with food, we can easily pass along this same relationship on to our children if we’re not careful.

True, lasting weight loss only occurs when changes are made slowly and gradually. The reason is because when changes are small enough, we’ve had a chance to slowly incorporate them into our routine and make them our own. As moms, we’re so overextended already. We’re often so overcommitted and overscheduled that the last thing we want to do is take on something else…especially something unpleasant. We have such a small window of “self care time” that it’s so easy to give up before we even begin. That’s what the “diet mentality” can cause. That “black or white” or “all or nothing” perspective that makes us feel that if we’re not completely overhauling our eating behaviors, it’s not worth trying at all.

It may be time to change this way of thinking in order to finally give up dieting in exchange for lasting lifestyle changes. As moms, we have so many wonderful ideas we want to pass along to our children. Dieting and the pain it causes doesn’t have to be one of them.

The Who, What, When, Where and How of Weight Loss

Published on April 16, 2009 in General. 0 Comments

One of the most common reasons why many of us struggle with weight loss and weight maintenance is because we fail to look at the: who, what, when, where, how and why we actually gained the weight in the first place. Once we’re able to ask ourselves these questions and come up with some insightful answers, we can understand how to finally create a weight loss plan that actually works. The first place to start is with the who of weight loss.

Who triggers you to overeat? It can be a boss who triggers us to grab foods to calm or relax us after a stressful day at the office. It can be a friend or partner who encourages us to overeat because they want a “food buddy.” It can be someone who shows their love for you through the food they’ve prepared and we eat to avoid hurting their feelings.
What types of foods you are eating? Are you having a problem with your food choices, eating too much junk food, takeout, prepared or fast food? Are the foods you’re choosing high in fat and sugar? Are your portions too big and you’re finding yourself “economy sizing”, “super sizing” or “value sizing?” Are you choosing foods that don’t satisfy or fill you adequately? Are you taking in too many liquid calories?
When are you overeating? For many people, weight issues stem from over eating the same foods at the same time. For example, many moms find they over eat their children’s snack foods, between 3-4pm. Others find that late night snacking while watching TV is the place where they’re taking in too much.
Where are you doing most of your overeating? Many moms find that they overeat at the kitchen counter while preparing food and snacks for their children. Others find that the living room couch after a long day is where the damage is done and still others can blame weight gain on the Saturday night breadbasket at their favorite restaurant.
How you’re over eating? You can be eating socially, mindlessly, binge eating or eating emotionally. With social eating you’re not hungry, but you’re simply eating to be a part of the group or the experience. You may be concerned about being judged, criticized or questioned if you don’t eat what everyone else is eating so you use the opportunity to eat foods you’d normally limit or avoid. With mindless eating, you take in extra food as you’re passing it to others, when you grab something as you see it on the counter or someone’s desk, eating while preparing food or eating while reading, watching TV or doing anything else that takes your attention away from concentrating on what you’re eating. Poor food choices or eating to improve our feelings or mood are the most common reasons for binge eating. For example, a diet high in sugar often encourages binge eating behavior because the sugar provides a quick energy surge followed by an energy crash. That crash encourages a high sugar binge in order to regain that energy so quickly gained and lost. With an emotional eating binge, we overeat to calm, numb or relax. It’s used as a means to self soothe and self medicate. It’s a technique we’ve employed to deal with our stress, fears, anger, frustration or hurt and we eat to encourage a boost of serotonin, one of the body’s “feel good” chemicals.
Why are you overeating? Questioning yourself after a binge is one of the best times to ask that question. With compassion and without judgment, simply ask yourself “what do I really need?” or “what was I really looking for?” Rarely is it food and more likely it’s compassion, security, sleep, friendship, a fulfilling project, satisfying relationship, enriching and meaningful job, more confidence or simply a call for a better way to handle your stress.

The more we understand the: who, what, when, where, how and why of weight loss, the better we can create a plan that works for us…not against us. While it may take some effort to come up with the answers, every answer you find brings you one step closer to gradual yet lasting weight loss.

Micromanaging

Published on April 9, 2009 in General. 0 Comments

Feeling a sense of control is important to your health, self esteem and well being. It helps us feel strong, empowered and in charge of our lives and the way it’s unfolding. While a sense of control is beneficial, too much control often leaves us micromanaging everything and everyone in our path. Are you micromanaging? Do you need to oversee everything and make sure it’s all done your way? Is it unsettling for you when things aren’t done to your exact specifications? Besides taking on an enormous amount of extra stress, you’re probably making things more difficult for everyone in your path. If this sounds like you, it’s time to stop micromanaging, learn to delegate and let it go. First of all, consider it from your children’s perspective.

Let’s say you ask them to make their bed. The cover may be pulled up but it’s not tucked in with military precision by any means. You’ve asked them to handle the bed making task, it doesn’t meet your approval so you decide to remake their bed. What message are your children receiving while you’re satisfying your need for a perfect house? They’re probably feeling like their efforts aren’t good enough which discourages them from trying harder while diminishing their self esteem. Here’s another example.

You’ve asked your husband or partner to go food shopping in an effort to share the workload. So far, this is a great plan. He comes home with every concoction of sugary, fatty junk food that can be found on the supermarket shelves. What do you do? Maybe you decide that he simply can’t get it right so it’s yet another job you’ll have to do. Who are you punishing here? Yes you’ll bring home some healthier options, but how about providing him with a specific list and hoping for the best? Your first option only leaves you with more work, frustration and unhappiness while he’s off the hook and wishing you could simply ask for what you want.

This next example is something way too many moms can relate to. What happens when your child comes home with a complicated project that’s due in a few days? Is it really their project, or has it become yours? Of course you want your child’s project to be completed, nicely done and timely but many moms feel that if their child’s work will be seen in or outside the classroom, it needs their decorating touch. There are a few things going on here.

The first thing worth mentioning is how does your “involvement” affect your child? Sure the project may look award winning by the time you’re through but consider the long term consequences. Your child will be doing hundreds of projects during their school career. As they grow, the time involved, difficulty and requirements will only increase. If they’ve never had an opportunity to take full responsibility for their work, their effort and their time, how will it affect them later on? Picture your child in college. If he or she never had to take responsibility for their own assignments during school because you were always on hand to help, think about how this abrupt change of events will affect him or her now. Chances are, it will be a rude and uncomfortable awakening, leaving your child frustrated, overwhelmed and anxious.

Next, take a look at how it affects you. First of all, if you have more than one child, multiply the extra project time by how many children you have. If you have a few children, you’ve just given yourself a part time job!

The trick with ending micromanaging is to delegate the task and then let it go! Sure it may not be perfect or exactly the way you want it. But try to ask yourself this very deep, spiritual and philosophical question which can only be answered after careful though and consideration. Ready, the question is…..who cares? Chances are, no one cares but you. So for your health, well being and sanity, stop micromanaging; learn to delegate then let it go. Not only will you be happier, but so will everyone else.

Seven Tips to Become a More Positive Thinker

Published on April 2, 2009 in General. 0 Comments

Have you ever noticed how good things happen to good people? There’s no mistake here. These people didn’t just “get lucky” but instead were proactive within their lives as opposed to simply reacting to things as they occur. They created the experiences they have beginning with the thoughts they think. How does this work?

Positive thoughts lead to positive feelings. These feelings lead to positive emotions. These emotions then promote positive behaviors. Finally, the positive behavior creates positive outcomes. In applying these steps to a real example, it may look something like this.

Let’s say you’re thinking about how nice it will be to spend some quality time with someone you love. Just thinking about the time you’ll spend makes you feel good. Maybe you’re feeling content, loved and happy. Those feelings lead to positive emotions such as love or joy. When you’re experiencing emotions such as love or joy, you’re more inclined to behave in a way which is in line with those feelings. Maybe you’re more supportive, loving or compassionate as a result. Because you’re more supportive or compassionate, you have more to give and behave in a manner which is conducive to showing your compassion. You may be more inclined to say or do something nice to someone, simply because you feel good.

Your random act of kindness (whether through words or deeds) may just be what the person on the other end needed. Maybe they were having a difficult day and your kind word or gesture enabled them to gain a better perspective and turn their day around. The immediate outcome may be that you’ve helped another person smile, feel valued or appreciated. The more extended outcome is that they now experience more positive thoughts which then turn it into a feeling, emotion, behavior and the cycle continues.

This entire scenario all came from just one of your positive thoughts! We have millions of thoughts throughout the course of a typical day. If more of them were positive, can you see how powerful this can be?

So if becoming a more positive thinker is on your to-do list, here are a few simple ways to begin.

1. Retrain your negative thoughts. For every negative thought you have, counter it with something positive. For example, “I’m so fat” can be countered with “I’m making healthy changes every day.”
2. Show gratitude. Here’s where you acknowledge, validate and appreciate all that you have. You recognize how blessed you are and show appreciation for all that you have and see.
3. Read positive quotes/books. Get ideas and inspiration from gurus, teachers and mentors. Learn how others create a positive outlook and get ideas from them. Also, learning from others can show you how they’ve managed difficult situations. It’s a great way to learn how they’ve turned obstacles into opportunities and used adversity as a learning tool or stepping stone to achieve something better.
4. Surround yourself with positive people. Just as how laughter is infectious, the positive thoughts, emotions and feelings from others can be infectious too. Besides being more positive, these people are also much more pleasant to be around.
5. Believe. Believe you can be a more positive thinker. You will or won’t become a more positive thinker based on your belief that you can or can’t.
6. Laugh. Not only does laughter feel good, but it’s good for your health. Studies show that laughter promotes the release of “feel good” chemicals within your body which helps to strengthen the immune system. What a funny reason to lighten up!
7. Control your thoughts. While you can’t control many things, you can always control your reaction to them. That means that an unfortunate situation can be either a minor bump in the road or a complete devastation…it’s up to you.

You may find that there will be many opportunities to become angry and upset or enlightened and enriched. The choice is always yours but as long as you do have a choice, why not choose to become a more positive thinker. By helping yourself you never know just how many other lives you may touch as a result.